Men and men love
Why do some straight men have sex with other men?
According to nationally-representative surveys in the United States, hundreds of thousands of straight-identified men have had sex with other men.
In the new book Still Straight: Sexual Flexibility among White Men in Rural America released today, UBC sociologist Dr. Tony Silva argues that these men – many of whom enjoy hunting, fishing and shooting guns – are not closeted, bisexual or just experimenting.
After interviewing 60 of these men over three years, Dr. Silva found that they relish a range of relationships with other men, from hookups to sexual friendships to secretive loving partnerships, all while strongly naming with straight culture.
We spoke with Dr. Silva about his book.
Why do straight-identified men have sex with other men?
The majority of the men I interviewed reported that they are primarily attracted to women, not men. Most of these men are also married to women and prefer to have sex with women. They explained that although they loved their wives, their marital sex lives were not as active as they
Why Gay Men Adore Sex
Men, why is sex so important? There are the obvious reasons, appreciate the powerful presence of testosterone in our bodies. And our “built-in” human desire for pleasure, connection, and affection.
But here’s another way to look at sex that gets less attention and goes a petite deeper. Perhaps we are looking for transcendence. Sex is one of the few experiences that take us away from our daily, sometimes boring, lives.
Orgasm may be one of the only times we are fully present in the moment.
Transcendence doesn’t get much attention these days. We live busy lives. Few us of look to religion for transcendence anymore, and religious organizations that feel welcoming to gay men are hard to find.
And yet for most of us, something seems missing. Life can easily fall into a deadening routine of commute/work/commute again/gym/television/masturbation/eat/sleep and repeat. That, plus laundry.
“Men lead lives of quiet desperation,” said author Henry David Thoreau.
Some of us look for a feeling of transcendence with drugs or alcohol. That works great for the first rare times
What Gay Men Should Expect in a Relationship
Some gay men position up with a lot in their relationships. Their long-term partners will aggressively flirt with other men in front of them, go home with a guy from the bar without any forewarning, sleep with ex-lovers without gaining consent from their current lover, or brag to their current boyfriends about the quality of their sex with strangers. Ouch.
Here&#;s what I find most concerning. Some gay men don&#;t feel they have a right to be upset about these behaviors. They&#;ll ask me why they feel so jealous and how can I help them let go of their insecurity. They think that the queer community believes in sexual autonomy and it isn&#;t cool or manly to object to their partner&#;s sexual behavior.
In other words, they feel shame for experiencing hurt by the actions of their long-term partners.
Heterosexual couples acquire plenty of social support for treating their partners with respect when it comes to sex. Outrage is the typical social response when friends are told about poor relationship behavior among straight people. When gay men tell
Relationship Tips for Gay Men
In , I attempted my first 5-day backpacking trip. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Sir Edmund Hillary, the first mountaineer to summit Mt. Everest without supplemental oxygen, once said, “It is not the mountains we conquer but ourselves.” I retain feeling something very similar after my much less significant achievement. I learned that climbing a mountain was much more than a physical feat. The real challenge was cultivating a positive mindset and facing the mental oppose. I felt as if I was conquering myself with every step forward. I knew that if I allowed the self-doubt and inner critic to take over, the next step might head me down the mountain instead of up it. The reward of such operate was the camaraderie with my fellow trekkers and the knowledge that challenging tasks are possible with perseverance.
Reflecting on this exposure reminds me of what it’s like to tackle the adventure of digital dating. The prospect of nurturing a romantic relationship can seem quite daunting, but the reward of perseverance and hard work is